BIO..... What does this mean?

BIO.... Bullshit Information Offer

I have been informed that I should have a 'BIO' on my website. When I inquired as to what this should be, the response I received was that it should contain everything that I am GREAT at. Now as I am a person who leads a very eclectic lifestyle, I know a little about a lot of things, but not a lot about anything specific. I am also good at very many things, but not great. So what should I contain in a BIO?
So I thought I would give a brief run down of my life and maybe you can help me out on what to keep in and what to throw out. So here we go.....

Came to Australia from England at 2yo, Dad died at 4yo, New super cool step dad at 5yo. No time for any trauma there. Primary school was fun, so was High school actually. Top Math and English student, but just okay at the rest. Left in Year 10 to start an apprenticeship as a Electrical Fitter. Left the trade 2years after finishing. It wasn't my thing. Did some laboring work for a few years, but my mind was always focused on AFL football. Would just get through the week to Saturday. In 1989, won the Best and Fairest trophy and a Premiership Cup to go and break my knee the following year.
Then the creative side kicked in. I started doing stand-up comedy in Melbourne, and after two years finally started to get paid for it. Mainly doing all the jobs that nobody else wanted. They were fun though. I then worked at Crown Casino as a dealer and a Host for 3 years before moving to Perth, working as a comedian to creating my own promotions company putting shows on around the state. This gave me the opportunity to MC my own shows and offer work to many other comedians on the circuit. This was really fun times.
I then back across to Brisbane as a working comedian, but could only get work on the Gold Coast as it is a very clique market there. Now I am about to become a Dad and have to get a Real job, so I started driving buses. I did this for 12 years, sometimes driving trucks in three different states. This is where the Crusty Bus Driver character started to develop. We then moved back to the Gold Coast with 3 kids in tow now, only for the marriage to break down.
Now life number three starts. I needed to be creative again but wasn't keen on doing the live circuit again as I am a firm believer in moving forward in life, plus I get bored easy. I then started to make You Tube videos of my characters which was a steep learning curve into; Creating the thought, writing, acting, filming, editing (which I'm still struggling with), post production and promotion. I do it all myself which is a bit dumb really.
I then started making Pinata Portraits, which was a great therapy for a dark period I went through, but they came out alright till I got bored with that too.
Now is the time to start writing again and I finished hand writing my first novel in three weeks. It was almost as if I channeled it straight through. I self published which is a task in itself but have the internet marketing skills of an ashtray. I then took the Crusty Bus Driver character and novelised all the You Tube videos. To then write Volume 2 in the 'Angel in a Demons Cloak' series, which I am now writing the third book for.
Today I write in the morning and Uber in the afternoons. I have a current Uber rating of 4.92 out of 5, but it doesn't really get me anything.
So what am I great at? I really don't know, so this could make for an interesting or not so BIO
Please leave your comments, so it may help me decide.... Cheers